Why does your conversation with mom end this way?

In last 9 months it's been watched more than half a million times! Most of the over 2000 comments are like:

ParfaitTic (5 days ago)

OMG! your observations about life are so ... so.. REAL :D ! LOVE ALL YOUR VIDEOS

Why do moms (and sometimes dad) behave like this?

 

Mom doesn't want you to eat Tuna against your wishes. This conversation isn't about fish, nutrition, mercury poisoning or anything.

It's a little drama fuelled by loneliness and guilt.

There are attempts to end the conversation: Mom, I don't like fish! (Please, can we stop talking ... er about fish and such other stuff?)

And attempts to keep it going: Fish doesn't have as much mercury anymore. (Yes, you don't like fish for some reason. But I want to talk to you, and fish is about the only thing I can think of at the moment. Besides, I can't discuss your career or your children or your love life, without feeling so much like an outsider.)

Sometimes an emotional scene over fish is better than emotionless silence between individuals.

 

Technorati tags: Life, drama, conversations, love, Levni, Yilmaz, AgentXPQ

How to be creative or anything you want to be

Hugh MacLeod wrote a blog post called "How To Be Creative" that's been downloaded more than a million times!

Read it, or if you are pressed for time, he provides a summary:

If I had to condense the entire work into a single line, it would read something like, "Work Hard. Keep at it. Live simply and quietly. Remain humble. Stay positive. Be nice. Be polite."

gapingvoid: "cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"

Where is my home?

Delhi is beginning to get colder. This morning there was also a light drizzle.

Why does such weather make one happy?

Tens of millions of years ago where human ancestors were born in Africa or Eurasia, the climate may have been just like this.

Since then not only humans but weather too probably drifted away from what was paradise.

However, occasionally, we can still experience it.

Have a great day!

 

Technorati tags: weather, happiness, paradise

Milan's first Twittergram

Milan's first Twittergram
Originally uploaded by Robert Scoble.

Robert Scoble recorded a Twittergram to announce the birth of his son.

Something about the first cry that just gets your attention. It’s different than any cry that’s come since.

Source: Two days of Milan — his first Twittergram story — BlogTalk Radio « Scobleizer

I know what Robert is saying.

Nearly 15 years ago, when I heard my own son cry for the first time, I was startled. It was a voice that I recognized instantly--and unmistakably. It was my grandmother's!

When he cried again, I tried to hear carefully. The resemblance was much less obvious.

It was gone in a few hours.

 

Technorati tags: birth, cry, atavism

Workplace Relationships

A professor blogs about the "kind of relationship the teacher is supposed to have with the students" and presents her viewpoint as follows:

The contract language is an attempt to change the focus from identity to the work itself. We may incidentally like each other or be annoyed by each other, but this is just the nature of being human. You work with people you wouldn’t be friends with sometimes.

Source: Who's your mama? « Is there no sin in it?

The same question arises in other types of workplaces too, indeed anywhere people spend a lot of time together. How do you treat colleagues much older or younger than you, or even own age?

A contracts approach is the logical one. It keeps the interactions Adult - Adult, which is highly functional. Yet, over a long period, most of us cannot sustain such interactions. Because, human beings need to relate to others as human beings. 

Rivier Classroom
Originally uploaded by FJ Gaylor Photography.

Furthermore, teachers, and often managers too, need to exert a good bit of influence that may not be possible in interactions modelled around contracts.

Think To Sir, With Love.

 

 

Update:

To understand To Sir, With Love, do read the AWB's wonderful response on her blog. An excerpt:

For example, one of the rules of the class is that they will not complain about their grades for 24 hours after receiving a marked paper. Why? Because I have written loving things on them. I have spent hours and hours tending to each of their needs, as I am able, looking for every shred of thought, humanity, understanding, and skill that I can, and written encouragements to find more. To flip back to the number of the grade and whine about it is a breach of our contract.

Technorati tags: workplace, interactions, relationships, students, teachers, teaching, work

Oh My God!

(Appended more thoughts towards the end - April 11, 2007))

The Washington Post set this up:

No one knew it, but the fiddler standing against a bare wall outside the Metro in an indoor arcade at the top of the escalators was one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written on one of the most valuable violins ever made.

Source: Pearls Before Breakfast - washingtonpost.com

It's a wonderfully written story about what happened next--and what didn't. And some delightful insights woven into the text.

Even at this accelerated pace, though, the fiddler's movements remain fluid and graceful; he seems so apart from his audience -- unseen, unheard, otherworldly -- that you find yourself thinking that he's not really there. A ghost.

Only then do you see it: He is the one who is real. They are the ghosts.

It's wonderful that Joshua Bell agreed to participate in this experiment.

I wish this performance is soon released on DVD!

Update:

Upon thinking some more, I'd say that Joshua Bell did rather well with the audience.

1. Do street musicians make more than $40 an hour? Except, perhaps, some exceptional ones like Jim Grasec or Lorenzo LaRock that SawLady mentions in Is Joshua Bell a Good Busker? $40 an hour isn't too bad for someone who isn't skilled at busking.
2. Joshua played music that was unfamiliar for the audience.
3. He also played music that was unsuitable for busking. Most commuters probably heard a small portion from a complex composition. Would that be satisfying? Obviously there was no applause at the end.
4. Joshua Bell isn't a street musician. But this was a Metro station. It is unfair to expect people to pay as much for street food as they would pay at a fine dining restaurant. How much would you pay for one sushi roll while running to work? (Coffee is different. You might actually pay more!)

Given a little more time, Joshua may have collected an appreciative crowd and his next 40 minutes would have likely earned a far higher amount.

Maybe someone who had the opportunity to hear him for an hour would drop $50 dollars. Yes, that's still less than the price of a concert seat, but then it wasn't a concert situation.

Which reminds me of very enjoyable "concerts" every Saturday some 20 years ago in Bombay. A group of people (older age group, well-dressed and knowledgeable about classical music--mostly from the Parsi community) would collect in a large hall for an hour of recorded classical music, played on concert grade audio equipment.

If you closed your eyes, did it matter that the musicians weren't actually out there? It was the same sound. And the yes, people avoided coughing or shuffling their feet while the music played. They even restrained themselves from clapping till the notes of the final movement of a symphony died down.

 

Technorati tags: classical music, busking, Joshua Bell, Blink

The Psychological Harm of Being Connected

Kathy Sierra, in a well-informed and insightful post, describes the likely psychological impact of Twitter.

One of Skinner's most important discoveries is that behavior reinforced intermittently (as opposed to consistently) is the most difficult to extinguish. In other words, intermittent rewards beat predictable rewards. It's the basis of most animal training, but applies to humans as well... which is why slot machines are so appealing, and one needn't be addicted to feel it.

Sources: Is Twitter TOO good? - Kathy Sierra

It is frightening to think that the steady stream of pings into our consciousness may go over the safe threshold. (The Terminal Man?)

I switched off Twitter after a couple of days of experimentation. It now maintains a quiescent existence in my list of contacts. But there are other contacts and they could collectively produce the same effects as Twitter.

Time for coffee with a friend!

Technorati tags: Twitter, always-on, information overload, interactions, connectedness, Kathy Sierra

Mathemagical Thinking and Romance

Douglas Hofstadter's Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid is an amazing book.

When I finished reading it some 15 years ago, I couldn't comprehend how that book ever got written. Even if one person had such knowledge and depth of understanding, how could he express it all in a tightly organised book?

I find it difficult to write an acceptably lucid blog post, but in today's world it is possible to do amazing stuff by getting lots of smart people to collaborate on the project. See for example Uncyclopedia.

In a wonderful piece, The Year of Mathemagical Thinking, Lev Grossman of Time Magazine tell us about Hofstadter's new book I Am a Strange Loop:

In 1993 Hofstadter's beloved wife Carol died suddenly of a brain tumor at only 42, leaving him with two young children to care for. Hofstadter was overwhelmed by grief, and much of I Am a Strange Loop flows from his sense that Carol lives on in him--that the strange loop of her mind persists in his, a faint but real copy of her software running on his neural hardware, her tune played on his instrument. "It was that sense that the same thing was being felt inside her and inside me--that it wasn't two different feelings, it was the same feeling," Hofstadter says.

 

Carol and Douglas Hofstadter in a mutual nose touching, forming a (metaphorical) "strange loop" in July of 1987 in the Wallowa Mountains in Eastern Oregon.

PETER RIMBEY

Source: The Year of Mathemagical Thinking | TIME

It isn't a sweet, romantic thought, but rather something that goes right to the heart of these concepts: meaning, thought, message and awareness.

In Nature of Romance, and Scott Adams' confusion, I had blogged that romance is a cerebral activity because it is about exchange of messages between two people. It seems romance goes way beyond merely exchanging information with another process to running a copy of the target process on your own machine.

Did that give you a headache evening thinking about it? I told you being lucid isn't natural for me.

Might better understand the idea myself after reading Hofstadter's new book.

 

Technorati tags: Hofstadter, strange loop, Godel, self-reference, mind, romance, message, meaning

To my Wife and my Valentine ...

... I sent the finest Godiva chocolates and a poem last year.

We were as far apart, geographically, as two persons can be on the earth. I was in Buenos Aires and she was home in New Delhi.

Did I miss her? Yes.

But I wasn't sad. It isn't mandatory for me to be unhappy and sentimental for the reason that it's a particular day.

We had each other in life, what could be better?

Buenos Aires is a wonderful place in February and maybe the rest of the year as well.

I walked about Caminito and enjoyed chatting with the artists. Bought a painting and requested a Valentine's day message on the reverse. The charming fellow also drew us dancing the tango and his own image wearing a hat!

Tango is everywhere in Buenos Aires. In their paintings, on the streets and probably in their school curricula.

Here's me all nervous and graceful in a tango pose. It is unusual for me to be either in real life. 

If you think tango is just a dance, you are completely mistaken. It's equal part music. 

The bandoneón and the baritone voice of a tango singer are God's gift to men, if they have the good sense to take their wives, girlfriends and Valentines to be put under the spell. 

Want to fall in love all over again? Try holding holding hands and sipping champagne at a tango show. 

This year I am home. As close with my wife and Valentine as two persons can be on the earth.

And you know I just bought a guitar :-)

 

Technorati tags: love, Valentine, tango, Buenos Aires, Caminito

Simple Simon buys a Guitar!

I want to learn

guitar from dsm

in summer holz.

Luv, prajeet

(04:21 pm 06-Feb-07)

The text message was from my younger son. By "dsm" he meant the Delhi School of Music.

Unknown to him, barely two hours earlier I had bought him a surprise gift. A guitar from the Musee Musicals in Chennai.

What synchronicity! Life can be so surprisingly beautiful at times!!

I was now on train to Trivandrum for work. One of the last things to do, before heading home over the weekend.

For next one hour I enjoyed reflecting upon all the wondrous things. The countryside that rolled by, my wife and two sons, and that beautifully crafted instrument now in my possession. For 16910, it was a steal.

One hour being up, I received a call from Citibank. They wanted to know if I had made any credit card purchase that day.

Yes.

Could you confirm the amount, please?

sixteen nine ninety something. (He assisted me with the exact digits towards the end.)

Thank you, Sir.

Any problems?

No, Sir. No problem. Have a good day!

During the call there was a text message from my wife: "Pl call up".

Did you make a credit card purchase?

Yes.

What was it?

(Oh no! These guys had called up home and destroyed the surprise!!)

Umm...a guitar. It's a surprise gift.

How much did you pay? Did the bank call up?

sixteen nine ninety something. Yes, they called and I confirmed it to them.

He said you signed for sixty nine thousand something!

Relax. It's 16990 and I just had a chat with them.

Well it turned out it was sixty nine thousand something. I called Musee Musicals.

Yes, Sir. the guitar is for 69110.

Oh, god. I don't want to buy such an expensive piece. Please, this has been an error. Could you give me Mr Kishore's cell number?

(Mr Kishore is the showroom manager.)

For the next two hours my office tried to locate the driver who had driven me to the showroom and to have the instrument returned. It was 8:20 pm when the void slip was issued.

Phew!

On Friday (Feb 9) I went back to Musee Musicals to apologise for the confusion I had caused and to say thanks for their understanding and co-operation.

I bought another beautiful, made-in-Spain Spanish Guitar. Two hours later I am again on the train, this time headed home. And the credit card company hasn't called to blow up the surprise.

It's a beautiful classical style instrument, not quite as expensive as the last. I tried it a while ago on train itself. Love the thicker nylon strings.

Oh btw, all the biggest stars visit Musee Musicals. Sivamani did on the 5th of February and wrote out a message in their visitors' book. Turn the page over and you'd see what I wrote the very next day, while waiting for the card to be swiped.

 

Technorati tags: synchronicity, guitar, musee musicals, sivamani

Nature of Romance, and Scott Adams' confusion

In his post Baffled by Romance, Scott Adams expresses "confusion, shock and dismay" in making sense of romantic acts narrated by the readers of the Dilbert Blog.

That's easy to understand. You cannot find romance in a single act. Yes, that would be like finding music in a single note.

Romantic acts acquire meaning in context created by other (romantic) acts, to which they are logically related. They are not random, unexpected acts of kindness or love.

Romance comes from anticipation, buildup, playfulness and surprise. Much like music. Flowers every Valentine's day? That's not romantic. But it isn't romantic to simply let the day pass either, because you must keep the beat.

Like in music, romantic sequences often repeat as variations. Recognising them is part of the romance.

Romance must be distinguished from love (an emotional thing) and sex (a physical act). Romance is cerebral. It is about the cryptic message riding on a succession of acts.

It's possible for love, romance and sex to exist independent of each other, although they are most potent when mixed well in a cocktail.

Mammals are always capable of sex, and sometimes maybe love, but romance is uniquely human. Because it requires the ability to recognise and decode a message, a faculty linked to language. And being cerebral, romance happens between intellectually comparable persons, whereas love or sex are not limited this way.

Here's most of Scott's post, with my comments in bullets:

I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you. That’s exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich – the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.

• I'd be equally surprised if difficult ornamentations were beautiful by themselves. Why, you could become a composer by simply stringing together a dozen trills!

Love notes and flowers were often mentioned. But again, I am confused. Hypothetically, if you were to give your spouse a love note and flowers once a week for a year, all it would do is raise the baseline requirement. It wouldn’t be romantic anymore. Indeed, it would appear too easy. So in a sense, the thing that makes flowers and love notes romantic in the first place is… and wait for this pearl of wisdom… all the times that you DON’T give love notes and flowers.

• Yes. Endlessly repeating a note is not musical. What comes before, maybe silence, and often what comes after, are both important.

I also noticed that a lot of the so-called romantic gestures have a distinct selfish element, i.e. “I took the day off of work to spend it with her,” and my favorite, “surprise sex.” Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that those only qualify as unselfish if you hate spending time with your spouse or if he or she has a passing resemblance to Shrek. Otherwise, you’re just getting something for yourself and your spouse is lucky to be going along for the ride. I’m all for days off and extra sex. But how are they romantic?

• That's a non sequitur. Why does a romantic act have to be unselfish? Would an anonymous gift of $100 by post, when the recipient isn't in particular need of the money, qualify as supremely romantic because it is unselfish? 

Romance also seems like gender discrimination. The things that women enjoy often take a great deal of work, e.g. “Surprise, honey! I shingled the roof!” Or “I planned a 14-day trip to Spain!” The things that men want are inherently easy, e.g. “I’ll leave you alone so you can watch the game.” Or “Sure, just don’t wake me up.”

• What is the point? Is something romantic or not determined only by how difficult, or expensive, it is to execute? Part of the appeal in a musical piece may come from how high it is--or rhythmically complex or difficult in some way. But for most part, a piece is beautiful, and derives meaning, from its place in a larger pattern.

Privately, all guys gave me the same advice when I got married: “Set the bar low. Otherwise, you have no chance.” Romance, I’m told, is the delta between your selfish asshole baseline and the occasional deviations from that baseline. That’s why Donald Trump, for example, can’t stay married. As soon as you buy your wife a helicopter, a ski resort, and a staff of servants, you’ve set her up for certain disappointment.

• You'd be surprised, Scott. The ski resort may make her happy one evening. But don't expect the helicopter to work next evening again. A hug, however, might. There is no formula here. Enjoy Mozart's formula but that won't make you a composer either.

So allow me to say right here that I am the luckiest man in the world for any minute that my beautiful wife is willing to put up with me. The best days of my life started when I met Shelly. I cherish her, and love her, and always will.

• You probably mean every word here. But face it that this romantic act is no better than somewhat embellished protestations of a teenager. Because Scott, a single romantic act doesn't exist.

In the music between the two of you, at this moment, it may have been the most beautifully expressed sentiment. But say it many times at random, and you'd know what I mean.

(After the tags, I've included several comments from Scott's readers. They illustrate the point.)

 

Technorati tags: romance, love, romantic act, music, message, cryptic, code

Excerpts from comments on Scott's blog"

In general, unexpected increases in or sudden occurrences of "being sweet" are good, and vice versa. What qualifies as sweet obviously varies from couple to couple, between genders, and according to income.

Posted by: Keith | January 22, 2007 at 08:05 AM

*gag* That was funny until then end and then you went and got all soppy on me!!!

Posted by: Zarna | January 20, 2007 at 08:30 PM

the post was funny... i didnt get any point out of it tho.

Posted by: n | January 20, 2007 at 06:14 PM

"Gag me with a spoon.
You'll have to do better than that, dear."
- Shelley Adams

Aha - we get a reply from Shelley Adams.

Posted by: ShirtBloke | January 20, 2007 at 05:39 AM

I know from experience that flowers are nice, Godiva Chocolates are nice, diamonds are nice. I don't know about helicopters.

Posted by: Patty | January 20, 2007 at 02:07 AM

My husband does things that are so random, but so perceptive, they are amazing. He'll stop at the crafts store and buy me several bars of clay, or six different types of glue, or beads, or something else. ... and not just do the things the floral marketers, confectionary industry, and Hallmark Company says we should.

Posted by: Paula | January 19, 2007 at 07:47 PM

The best "surprise" romantic gesture is actually *saying* what you think your partner ought to already know.

Posted by: Cobwebs | January 19, 2007 at 06:32 PM

If there is anyone that is not baffled by romance, they are either clueless or they're lying.

Posted by: Mary | January 19, 2007 at 04:34 PM

She likes it when I wake up early and go to work on time and do productive things like that. For some strange reason, that makes her happier than anything else I do.

Posted by: Shan | January 19, 2007 at 04:07 PM

I find that the romantic things don't have to be unexpected, just heartfelt even if routine. My wife and I have a tradition where I bring her breakfast in bed at least once a weekend.

Posted by: HCIGuy | January 19, 2007 at 02:10 PM

Very funny stuff. Well, romance can come in many forms. Please check out my blog and let me know what you think. Despite it all, I am a romantic at heart!!

Posted by: Rachel | January 19, 2007 at 11:45 AM

So now my dad has to go out every Sunday to get roses for my mother. Not for romance, just to keep a bunch of retired nuns from thinking they are on the brink of divorce. How sweet;)

Posted by: Claire | January 19, 2007 at 11:43 AM

I get a feeling from the post that things which are done once in a blue moon are more or less romantic .. huh ..I don't want to be that kind of romantic. I'd rather set the bar high than worry about the asshole delta.

Posted by: Ashok | January 19, 2007 at 11:29 AM

You're so right about that raising the baseline business. My husband treats me so well that I get cranky when he forgets to change the flowers in the miniature shrine that he built to me. :-)

Posted by: webar | January 19, 2007 at 11:05 AM

I liked the guy who gives his wife something different every Thursday, the one who secretly arranged for his wife to drive a Mercedes on her trip to her friend's wedding, the woman who's writing her husband a sonnett, etc.

I think romance lives in every kind, thoughtful, and creative gesture we do for the ones we love - even dishes. You don't have to be rich or even clever to be romantic - you just have to love someone so much that you think about them at opportune moments of the day.

Posted by: Mason | January 19, 2007 at 10:55 AM

"Do I smell a whiff of sucking up here?"

Posted by: jayward | January 19, 2007 at 10:47 AM

I have to disagree with your comment about things losing value if you do it to often. While it may raise the bar a bit, i think flowers every week is better than flowers once in a while. the surprise factor is not as important as the 'I am willing to do this all the time' factor.

Posted by: Patrick | January 19, 2007 at 10:30 AM

Hmm, I guess this means "mentioned you in my blog" is the 21st century bouquet? :P

Posted by: SpongeJim | January 19, 2007 at 10:27 AM

1. When we get a parking ticket here, it comes in an envelope of sorts. You take the ticket out, pay it, and are left with the sleeve that it came in. Keep the sleeve, plunk your love note in there, then put it under your s/o's wiper one day when you know where they're parked.

2. Send them a pizza from across the country. Domino's, you might be interested to know, will take credit card payment over the phone. So when my g/f (now my wife) was working in the states (I'm in Canada), this one time I called up dominos in the city where she was working and got her favorite pizza delivered to her.

Posted by: dreadsword | January 19, 2007 at 10:14 AM

Awww... that's so sweet! What did you do wrong? Did Shelly read something on your blog that offended her so you decided to write something good? Are you doing this just as insurance so if she does read your blog she'll melt when she reads this and not go any further avoiding any controversy that may come up from an erlier post?

Posted by: Chris Kankiewicz | January 19, 2007 at 10:09 AM

Yeah, well, if you signed off with those sweet words every day as you should have been doing, I'm sure Shelly would be less than dazzled now.

Posted by: Shan | January 19, 2007 at 10:09 AM

The fact is that romantic gestures shouldn't be special events. They should be daily events. They don't have to be flowers, but can even be just a glimmer of desire when they get dressed.

Throw in some more significant gestures on occasion just to mix things up. And they don't have to be anything big.

Posted by: Piotr Reysner | January 19, 2007 at 10:02 AM

At the same time, romance is very much like a fire. If left alone and unattended it will die out. With day-to-day life it does take an effort to keep it alive.

What constitutes romance changes with time. The basics never go out of style (flowers, dinner out, surprise gifts, trips) but other acts can take on new meaning.

Posted by: CLB | January 19, 2007 at 09:58 AM

That one's going to come back to haunt whichever of you files a divorce petition first.

Posted by: Bob | January 19, 2007 at 09:51 AM

No wonder all of my friends think that romance is finally dead. If not romance, then certainly imagination.

Posted by: Krissy | January 19, 2007 at 09:47 AM

According to the blog, every romantic gesture loses its "oomph" over time. If that is your belief, why would it matter if the gesture is "housework" or "half selfish."

Posted by: Joshua | January 19, 2007 at 09:42 AM

I just pulled out my old copy of 'The Dilbert Principle' to have a few laughs, and noticed it was dedicated to Pam.

Posted by: RPK | January 19, 2007 at 09:27 AM

It doesn't take much - well ok maybe it does - listening and hearing what matters is the best way to be romantic.

Posted by: Barbara | January 19, 2007 at 09:27 AM

But the important thing … is that the gesture of breaking the pattern to demonstrate interest that might not be widely recognized is the important part.

Similarly, it's not the act of emptying the dishwasher that's romantic. It's the outward and unexpected recognition, the "unspoken statement" of "you're always doing this, without thanks, and I'm sure you're exhausted.

Posted by: olie | January 19, 2007 at 09:20 AM

Then again, I'm lucky that my wonderful husband is willing to put up with me. And he is lucky that I'm willing to put up with him. And so on. So then - is love nothing more than getting lucky, and putting up with your spouse? Ouch :-)

Posted by: Griff | January 19, 2007 at 09:04 AM

I think you've got us all beat, Scott:

"Hey honey, remember when I injected Botox into my throat just so that I could talk to you?"

Posted by: Lenn | January 19, 2007 at 09:02 AM

Romanticism is a constantly modifying concept that differs between couples. What you will consider romantic now, won't be as romantic in a few years. It is also a scale; things can be more or less romantic, when compared to other items on the scale.

My studies plus other true love stuff, http://www.weir.net/~andrews/love

Posted by: -drew | January 19, 2007 at 09:00 AM

The last 2 lines that you wrote? Now that is romance.

Posted by: Catherine | January 19, 2007 at 08:55 AM

A lot of romance is cliche. The trick is not being too corny.

Posted by: steve | January 19, 2007 at 08:54 AM

Look at other animals. There are several types of birds and mammals that attrack a mate by making a nest or otherwise showing how "handy" they are. Is it such a leap to understand why doing the dishes could be a turn on?

Posted by: Christine | January 19, 2007 at 08:51 AM

…(ever waltz with your wife in the kitchen? hold her hand walking down the street? tell her you love her as you gaze at the moon? it's sometimes the simplest gestures that are romantic...). The only thing I'll argue with you is that luck has nothing to do with love or being happy, it's attitude. Keep it up!

Posted by: Marco | January 19, 2007 at 08:43 AM

You missed the obvious
conclusion. Romance is most
effective when it is the
least predictable. Your
romantic decisions should be
made by a pseudorandom number
generator, to take any
predictability out of it.

Posted by: Mark Thorson | January 19, 2007 at 08:43 AM

The most romantic thing my husband ever did, was insist that I follow a dream of mine, which was to learn the German language in Germany.

Posted by: Julie | January 19, 2007 at 08:41 AM

And yes, I'm a woman who is a sucker for romance. But really even the sweet little things are romantic, especially if they are selfless.

Posted by: Anna Letha | January 19, 2007 at 08:40 AM

In 2005 for Valentine's Day, I made my boyfriend a gift. I sent it to him in Singapore and he received it in his college's office. It was a cookie jar(the one with a spring lid) and I put origami hearts inside. and inside each heart, was a message to be opened on a certain date. there were enough hearts to be opened for two dates in a month for an entire year. the messages were mostly significant and related to whatever special occasion he was having on that day. such as birthdays or exams or holidays or memories..

Here's a link to my post: http://jayelleenelial.blogdrive.com/archive/520.html

Posted by: jayelle | January 19, 2007 at 08:33 AM

let me guess: she reads your blog ;-)

Posted by: notswiss | January 19, 2007 at 08:30 AM

Wow... a 2 day setup for a romantic blog gesture ;) now THAT's putting thought into it.

Posted by: Adam | January 19, 2007 at 08:22 AM

How can you say you will "always" love Shelly? Aren't we mindless meat puppets? Isn't "love" just an illusion created by random firings of neurons? We can't choose to love someone forever. That isn't part of a predetermined life devoid of free will.

Posted by: Rick Bell | January 19, 2007 at 08:16 AM

Gee whiz, don't get mushy on us, Scott. …and now everytime you don't include it in your blogs Shelly will wonder what's wrong!

Posted by: larry horowitz | January 19, 2007 at 08:04 AM

Rethink your plans, you might live longer

If you are above 60, tough luck, because you'd likely miss exciting times ahead. And if you are much younger, beware that your parents would be around longer than you have believed.

Life expectancy is increasing in the developed world. But Cambridge University geneticist Aubrey de Grey believes it will soon extend dramatically to 1,000. Here, he explains why.

Source: BBC NEWS | UK | 'We will be able to live to 1,000'

We ought to address at least the foreseeable problems to make the transition to ultra-long, 1000-year life as smooth as possible. To start the process, here goes.

The rich and famous ought to worry about losing their wealth and retraining for future employment. Michael Jackson would have to consider new career options seriously.

Most job openings would arise when people quit because they are bored. And most employees would outlive their employing organizations, so you need to select your industry wisely.

Aviation industry would nosedive, at least in the short run. Inter stellar space travel would become a reality. Rail travel at 50 kph would be the ideal mode of transport for the earth bound.

Riskier sports, like Formula 1 without protective gear, would attract maximum sponsorship. Hard hats would be required in golf.

Club memberships and gun licenses would be very precious.

People would not only get new body parts, like noses, but may order them a particular shape. Everybody would thus be as handsome as they wish. The rich might afford brief periods of ugliness, just to break the monotony.

All marriages would be subject to natural limitation to make them void every 50 years or so. The term for life imprisonment would have to be enhanced to make it a realistic deterrent.

Everybody would blog for practical reasons. Were we married once? Let me check my blog. Yes, here you are mentioned 3 centuries before now.

Get the picture?

Links:

1. Aubrey de Grey in wikipedia;
2. bio: http://www.sens.org/AdGbio.htm

Technorati tags: longevity, long life, future

Violent Acres » Love, Shame, and the Human Pecking Order

A confessional from Violent Acres on a princess's mistreatment of a geek.

I kept it because it hurt me to read it. I keep it as a reminder that someone out there once thought I was smart and beautiful, but my behavior changed his mind. When I'm feeling really low about the direction of my life, I read it and I think to myself that it took a boy that I abused to reveal to me my innate character flaws. When I put it down, I make a silent vow to show kindness to those who show me kindness. Sometimes I fail others and in doing so, I fail myself.

Source: Violent Acres » Archives » Love, Shame, and the Human Pecking Order

It takes courage to write openly and honestly about mistakes one makes. And then to put it up for everyone to comment upon.

The story almost sounds like the fabricated tales that appear in chain emails. The ones designed to bring about some catharsis in the readers and to encourage them in that moment to pass it along to everyone else. Except, this one appears to be true.

 

Technorati tags: catharsis, confession, blogging

Why is Amit Agarwal so successful?

Amit is a professional blogger who has made it big in his field.

His blog, Digital Inspiration - The Tech Guide, makes the kind of money that few jobs bring in. How does he do it?

It is too easy to assume what makes him tick. 

If you guesses are along the lines indicated here, you may not be very wrong, but have missed the real thing.

(Follow the link at the end of the post to find the real reasons.)

He writes about technology, which interests netizens

He writes about technology, but so do many others.

Why aren't more people equally successful? Especially, when he often writes about things that are discoverable through search.

He knows all the tricks

You know, about positioning the ads, doing an SEO, etc? The tricks that bring in visitors and the money?

There are some excellent articles on the net about these methods, some of them written by Amit himself. When the knowledge is widely available, why isn't the success replicated easily?

Bonus Question: If these tricks really work, why does Amit discuss them so readily. Will it not diminish his competitive advantage?

Do let me know other apparent reasons that you think aren't really the source of his success. It would be fantastic to hear what Amit himself has to say about the myths!

All right, how does he do it then?

Continued ...

Technorati tags: Amit Agarwal, professionalism

Okay, now why is he so successful?

This post continues from: Why is Amit Agarwal so successful?

A truly nice person

This is the first impression you get upon meeting Amit. (See my post after meeting him at BlogCamp in Chennai .)

He too wrote about interesting people he had met at BlogCamp. See his disarmingly simple reaction to something that could have led to a rant elsewhere.

GigaOm was represented by Shailaja Neelakantan who flew in from Delhi for the conference. While Shailaja was very disappointed with my session, nevertheless for me it was great meeting a writer who works with Forbes and GigaOm.

Source: BlogCamp India 2006: Meet Some Interesting People at Digital Inspiration

Here's another example, when a reader complained:

I can't believe I read that whole thing just to discover that all Amit is saying is "drag and drop". I want my ten seconds back.

Source: How to Add HTML Signatures with Images to GMail Email Messages at Digital Inspiration

His response: Wish I could give your 10 seconds back. :)

These are just a couple of examples. You can find the all over by visiting his blog:

All the hard work

Yes, he doesn't just tell you things he knows. He goes out and learns what his audience could be interested in. He experiments. He thinks and writes about what occurs to him.

He is a professional whose job happens to be blogging.

Like in other professions, hard work pays off handsomely. You could do an Amit in your own field, it doesn't have to be blogs.

A large body of work and an excellent brand

Yeah, Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither was Digital Inspiration.

His new posts certainly bring him visitors, both from search (high PageRank) and subscriptions (a loyal audience). But don't forget that the old posts continue to drive visitors too. Because they show up high in lots of search results.

Success comes from both character and good tools. The latter are equally accessible to everyone (IP, market access issues aside). On the net, they are often free. (Read the bonus question at Why is Amit Agarwal so successful?)

So what makes him the phenomenon that he is? The same qualities that have been valued for long. The digital world isn't so different after all.

 

Technorati tags: Amit Agarwal, professionalism, success

Everyday experience and the connected world

Experience seldom scales up very well. We know that:

1. Hand written greeting cards bring a joy that is missing in e-greetings and forwarded SMS's.
2. Cooking for a family is different from managing a large kitchen.
3. Experience of managing a corner store doesn't help when the business is a large departmental store.

It is the same when we tranfer our experience of personal interactions from real world to the virtual one.

People around you wouldn't ignore you so completely, as they may online. A polite smile is almost biologically programmed, but there is no equivalent on the net.

You now have the freedom to say what you want. But nobody has the slightest obligation to pay attention.

In some respects it is disconcerting, but in many others it is fun too!

Source: gapingvoid- cartoons drawn on the back of business cards

 

Technorati tags: relationships, communication, experience

A Sign of Maturity

Relationships move on a continuum, from acquaintance to intimacy.

Between opposite sexes, this movement is relentlessly left to right, as if on a ratchet. And loss of traction usually leads to a broken mechanism!

A sign of maturity is the acquired skill to be happy moving it slowly or not at all. Even accommodating backward slippages.

 

Technorati tags: Relationships

A procession of victims

Scott Carney often wonders about and highlights the ills of society that he witnesses around him:

"She always came to school shabbily dressed and her refusal to listen to us was affecting the discipline of the school. We even sent warning letters to her parents but the girl simply refused to tie her hair. On Thursday we cut her hair as punishment, but had no intention of humiliating the girl," said Principle Saloni Khanna in defense of her actions.

Source: Trailing Technology: Teacher Cuts of Student's Hair; School Pillaged

The parents of the child retaliated by wrecking the school.

This piece set me thinking about the succession of victims here:

1. the school (of indiscipline among children)
2. the child (of the teachers' wrath)
3. the school (being wrecked, and also perhaps harassed about its actions)
4. the parents (access being denied to their children to schooling)

There could be more victims. Before the incident, for instance, it may have been the mother, burdened with the requirements of the child's grooming and presentation, and also the housework--and perhaps a job and/or the unhelpful husband.

Perhaps, a skilled novelist, rather than an inexperienced blogger trying to make sense, might be able to ferret out all the victims for the next Booker.

I contemplate Karpman's drama triangle, that explains it all and may suggest an escape from the grips of this drama.

An excellent place to begin is the wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle, and the two references given there:

• The Drama Triangle - TA-Tutor.com
• The Three Faces of Victim by Lynne Forrest

 

Technorati tags: Karpman, drama triangle, victim, rescuer, persecutor

Elevator logic

The fidgety man in a business suit repeatedly jabs the call button. And when he pushes both the up and down buttons, you know more about him than you care to know.

However, I contemplate not the circumstances of his childhood and life, but a much simpler question. Why don't elevator designers punish the behaviour by resetting the call status?

It should have several advantages:

1. Pressing the button a second time could delay the arrival of the car by canceling the previous call. (It would also require pressing the button a third time, but some users apparently derive pleasure from such effort, so we won't bring it up.)
2. You could cancel a call for the wrong direction, if it was a genuine mistake or if you changed your mind.
3. It would save wear and tear on the elevator buttons.

Why don't we design elevators like this? Have I missed something obvious?

 

Technorati tags: elevator, manners, design logic

Be open to surprises, says Stephen J. Dubner

BOONE—Be ready for surprises, says writer Stephen J. Dubner, guest speaker for Appalachian State University’s convocation Sept. 7.

The co-author of the university’s freshman summer reading selection, “Freakonomics,” told his audience that his success has been the result of a series of surprises.

Source: Appalachian News » Blog Archive » Be open to surprises, says writer Stephen J. Dubner

Dubner said that "students will find there is a gap between what they think they will do in life and what they will actually end up doing."

Okay, but aren't you supposed have a Statement of Purpose (SOP) when you approach the colleges for admission? It used to be that way when I last checked with the B-schools, admittedly a long time ago.

Now, if it's going to be unpredictable, it is a good idea to be "open to that sort of thing". But what should the rest of your strategy be? What should you do to prepare yourself as you wait for the surprises?

Any ideas about that, Dr Levitt? Or you, dear reader?

Tags: school, college, university, freshmen, Dubner, Levitt, Freakonomics